Reflecting and Growing
I celebrated my birthday a few days ago.
My birthday always feels like the right time for me to do a little check-in with myself, my goals and aspirations. Maybe because it falls quite literally at mid-calendar year, maybe it’s just something that people do once they hit a certain age, or maybe it’s just something that comes to me naturally after spending some many years in a corporate work environment. Whatever the case, I found myself once again reflecting…
Reflecting
This year I had a very particular memory pop up for me. It was another birthday, maybe about 6 years ago. You see, I’m also just past the 5 year anniversary of stepping away from my corporate career and into my solo-career or entrepreneurial journey. But 6 years ago, I was very much in the throes of my corporate life. In fact on that birthday 6 years ago, the actual day, I remember being on a call with my boss somewhere around 6pm. The conversation was intense. It was around a particular program issue. I was on the receiving end of a massive download of “from the top” direction and a series of pointed “must-dos” and “deadlines”.
I remember all of this coming at me over the phone call. At the same time, I remember all of my family coming in the door, excited and eager to get birthday celebrations under way (my son and I actually share a birthday). My mom was also walking in the door with a big bunch of flowers. My husband had just picked up our birthday dinner. And in their excitement, they stopped dead in their tracks when they saw my face.
They saw the stress, anxiety and overwhelm I was feeling at that moment. They saw that I was shaking. They saw the tears welling up in my eyes.
You know, the funny thing is, I don’t even really remember what the phone call or the project was specifically about. But I absolutely remember the feeling. I can put myself into that moment and feel all the feels about it again. My family remembers that moment too.
But that boss? Quite unlikely that it was even a blip on her radar. If she remembers it at all, her story would be about how she was driving results, setting direction and pushing to the finish line. It might even be about dealing with an employee who needed some performance coaching.
Who’s the hero of this story? Who’s the victim? Who’s the bully?
Growing
The thing is, time and space create perspective.
At that moment, I felt like the victim. Like this was being done to me. Like my performance, my ability to lead and to drive toward a strategic outcome was being undermined and undervalued. I believed I was in the midst of crappy leadership and an increasingly toxic corporate culture. I had been so successful to this point. I had a big job, was leading an important team - how could this person be suggesting that it wasn’t enough. What was I missing and why was this happening now?
Have you ever felt this way?
Hero, victim or bully. It's all a matter of perspective, right? And, what I’ve learned in the 6 years since that birthday is that our perspective can be very much influenced by our Stress-Stack.
Let me explain…
A stress-stack is an accumulation of stress-experiences. It’s a piling on of one stressful event on top of another and its size and shape is a function of individual circumstances and time.
The particular situation I described, my stress-stack was provoked by my aggressive boss. If not for the size of the stress-stack I had already accumulated, my reaction and experience of it may have been very very different. My perception of the situation was the direct result of the size and shape of my stress stack, which was an accumulation of circumstances over time. And quite honestly, how that boss was engaging and reacting to me was also a factor of her stress-stack.
Make sense?
Here are some clues that your stress-stack is growing;
You're feeling like what you used to do is no longer working for you
Your ability to manage daily stress has changed
Your resilience and adaptability is somehow different
You regularly experience overwhelm or panic.
Now, in the 6 years since that birthday, I’ve not only de-stacked my stress-stack, I’ve also done the healing work and established strong and healthy daily practices that keep the stress-stack from accumulating in my life.
The great news is that I can now quickly recognize when stress is accumulating and take corrective steps to reset. And so I consider the 6 years since that birthday memory a time of real growth and transformation...
And I am so happy and grateful that I now have the opportunity to help others do the same.
Want to learn more about your Stress-Stack?
Send me a DM and Let’s Chat!
